Blade Trinity

3-2/3 out of 5

I overall like the Blade series, I hold them in the little part of my head that likes that sort of thing. So I forgive that they're not the pinnacles of writing that they could be in other hands. They're fine by me... I can watch the first one over and over. Much to my husband's irritation.

I went in expecting Blade to slice, dice and explode as much vampire as possible. I got it. I don't go in for story, for that I sit down for about twelve hours and watch the Lord of the Rings. This is the key difference between the review I'll give for Trinity and the one for Phantom of the Opera. Phantom is supposed to be a drama -all about the story, there is very little action. I give a review based on what I expect out of the genre. Its all in the writing.

Good

Jessica Biel has a very convincing 'take no prisoners' vibe going with the whole movie. Despite having been a mostly nighttime sitcom runner, she does violent and focused rage very well while still looking cute.

There is a little comedy spiced in here and there, and does well with Blade's deadpan. The foil here is Ryan Reynolds, whom I adore right along with Johnny Knoxville and Sean William Scott.

I'd like to congradulate whomever came up with making a Pomeranian vampire. Quite disturbing

Even more disturbing to the point of sickness goes to the person who designed the blood farms. You turned my joints into jelly with my disgust.

At least the movie doesn't totally try to alienate the people that have faithfully watched the previous films. Homage is given to the people that can giggle knowledgably at the mention of:

What was your relationship with your mother like, were you close?

Well she tried to seduce him and suck his blood at one point for her vampire lover at the time that was trying to resurrect the Blood God.

How many people have you killed Blade? 1,182. But they were all familiars.

I like the soundtrack.

I have to give props to the fight between Drake and Blade. It looks convincingly like it is a a fight between two professionals with no hesitation. You can believe that this wasn't something choreographed and hinted at with speed cuts. This really does justice to the feel of the film and the credibility of the characters as warriors, not just vampire elite.

Domninic Purcell makes a surprisingly good Dracula. I had always been stuck with the mental image of Dracula being Austrian pasty-faced and thin. Purcell is tanned and muscular with a comanding hautuer. I'm glad Goyer broke out of the stereo type that movies like Bram Stoker's, Anne Rice's and Underworld have cemented over the decades.

Ugly

If it weren't for the fact that I saw Whistler take one to the thigh and another to the back, I woudln't have believed that he died in the explosion. He already died once, he's a crafty bugger and I wouldn't be surprised if he popped up out of nowhere.

Another thing I have difficulty with is that Blade was taken into FBI custody. He can unleash a can of butt kicking but the FBI has him in chains. If it weren't for the weak excuse that he just saw Whistler blow it all to Kingdom Come, and had been relying on serums to quell the blood craving- I wouldn't be able to semi-choke that fifteen minutes down. Especially when the movie shows a whole day going by between capture and interogation. Whatever.

The vampires being on easy mode is really disgusting and insulting. I've seen much better before and at least it looked semi-threatening or challenging for Blade. Its pretty sad when SWAT looks more capable than a vampire does.

Parker Posey/Danica Talos has made my list of annoying actresses. Right with Kirsten Dunst. Posey makes Talos the whiniest and most agressively PMS'd vampire I have ever seen. She was so annoying and I was so glad to see her bite it. Especially when she tried to be sexy. *shudders* At the end of the film someone put her in a skirt suit and hair that made her look like David Bowie. The resemblance was frightening more than the fact she was still making goo-goo I-will-hurt-you eyes at Reynolds character. Haunting.

All Psychologists are vampires. Dr. Vance in particular- only a vampire or familiar wouldn't care about not using disposable needles. Tsk Tsk.

The vampire 'board meeting' in this movie was pathetic. It was as if a bunch of punk goths were plopped next to a large table, told to lounge and look sulky.

One thing I want to close with, I felt the ending was lacking. It felt like part of the story still remained untold. All the buildup to the end with the need to complete the plague, and it felt as if it was held back in some small fashion. The world is ok, but it still feels edgy because we don't know the absolute aftermath.
I don't want to see a sequel or spinoff.
Its time to leave this series in peace. The trilogy is complete, but the vampires suck a bit more in this one- still lots of good action and knives. go in with the right expectations.

Phantom of the Opera

Well, this is a piece of recent history. I finished this puppy up last week and I made sure to write up my laundry list of thoughts. I know people that have seen this and raved about it, but I inherantly question anything that deals with Joel Schumacher. Especially when said raving people have a facination with all things Hollywood and Disney being quality material. Believe me, I have room and experience to question this source.

Anyway, I'll get into the specifics later. I'll be blunt and honest now for the sake of people needing advice first and reasons later. I wouldn't buy this for 5$. I would have never seen it in the theatre, or rented it.

I thank all good things in this world I was able to get it from the library for free. I think the only other time I MIGHT see this if I were utterly bored and had no cleaning to do and was bed-ridden that I would watch it on cable. If there were no other re-runs on. At all. Not the worst movie I've seen by any means. The only thing keeping this movie half-way true to the play and book was probably because Webber was a part of the production team. Otherwise I'm sure this would have been intolerable and needed a title change to the Raving Singing Lunatics of an Old Paris Opera. Two out of five. This should have been a direct remake of the play, not an interpretation- it falls way short.

Breakdown:

Good Things

I liked the costumes.

Christine's Aria was done beautifully, I was surprised that Rossum did her own singing. I had to wince at the last refrain though, she couldn't quite sustain the note and interpreted a bit. But Sarah Brightman is a hard act to follow.

The Point of No Return was the highlight of the movie, and one of the few things about the movie that inspired any emotion in me. Even in a bad movie that duet can make skin break out in goose bumps and the blood race.

Music of the Night follows a close second in relation to Point of No Return.

Jennifer Ellison was a GREAT Meg. Here's hoping she can expand her career.

Gerard Butler isn't Michael Crawford, but I give him props on a mostly great performance. He was the one actor upholding the weight of the sinking ship. He fit the costume really well though and carried out the drama to the hilt.

Patrick Wilson makes a good Raoul.

Bad Things

In many places I'm suspicious they used the original cast recording for the movie, sounds like a lot of the exact same musical quirks as the ten year old CD I have. Maybe I'm being too critical.

Whomever decided that an ELECTRIC GUITAR fit in with the Phantom theme should be SHOT.

Seeing the amount of PINK on Carlotta, let alone Minnie Driver was disgusting and horrifing.

I was really unhappy with the Phantom theme duet.

The Masquerade choreography was really stiff, I felt it fell really short of what they could have done. I have never seen the stage production, and so I really can't compare this- but its the movies. Awkward cutting didn't help either.

I cannot say it enough times, I HATE movies that start at the end of a story and then jump to the beginning, or worse, continually reflect back to present then to past- etc.

On that note, the 'future' scenes are over done. I'm ok with a little film grain, but this was over done. I wouldn't even expect an amatuer dv camera to have this much noise. Also, the black and white was very unecessary and distracting. It hurts the eyes and jars the watcher from the story instead of adding to it. These could have been cut and no one would have missed them.

Blazing candelabras raising from a lake??

Slow motion singing is not a good idea. Permissable in action, rediculous while watching someone try to sing and the soundtrack is going at normal speed. Quite funny.

Having snatches of song off camera while the actor that is singing them is on camera and their lips clamped shut or simply wide open. Sure, they're singing. Its ventriloquism.

Pure Schumacher- it had to have been his idea to have people put their gilded arms through walls of the set for the Phantom's lair hallway, holding candelabras. You don't see them past this scene, its just moving arms with candles. Its stupid and pointless and for seeing this rediculous idea put on camera, I wish I'd seen someone caught on fire in that small space.

Watch at your own risk. You have been forewarned.

Ninja Gaiden Black

Ok, I only just got done writing up Ninja Gaiden yesterday from when we rented it almost two weeks ago. Recently released data is showing Ninja Gaiden Black coming out the 13th of September. This is more special than the normal Ninja Gaiden, why?

1. Bug fixes included if you don't have XBOX Live.
2. Easier modes other than just the one level of HARD.
3. More missions, more game- how is THAT bad?
4. They included the old 8-bit Ninja games as unlockable content- Ninja Gaiden & Ninja Ryukenden. Glory days!
5. Included extra content is the Hurricane packs that was previously unavailable to non Live customers. Has MORE missions and bosses to unleash the ninja upon.
6. Of course you can compete online with Live Karma functionality.

30$ I call that GOOD! Get it, got it, very good!

Ninja Gaiden

Saved from 7-18-05

I'm not sure how good of a review this is going to be because Sim City 4 Deluxe was so facinating, we really didn't play Ninja Gaiden that much.

What we did have a chance to play was some stellar graphics and game detail. Visually it was a lot better than Hitman or Thief, only fair to compare since they are lumped in the same game rental sections. The animations were beautiful and exciting.

I've never played any of the Ninja games.. so seeing all the crazy combinations of things this little guy could do absolutely made my jaw drop. It was like being told that Soul Calibur had just been turned into an rpg or something. I guess that shows how geeky I am as opposed to really making a point.

I saw my husband get up to a fight with a couple of mounted samurai, and that was around the sticking point we had to return the game. It was unfortunately around the week of the 13th and got incredibly hectic. However, we have our eyes peeled for a good deal on the game, we wouldn't mind picking it up if the price was right. Say about no more than 25$. Good good pick. Pick it up if you see it.

Pico Pico!

From Conker: Live & Reoloaded
I wish I could've kept this guy! He eats cavemen, makes adorable babytalk and he's so cute too. I felt so bad when I had to sacrifice him.

We still play Sim City 4, now and then. Definitely a lot of bang for the buck.

Kalifornia

Kalifornia, the oddity of seeing Brad Pitt see Kentucky trailer trash will forever haunt my days. I'm not sure watching Troy five times will totally soothe my soul after this. This is also a David Duchovny slightly before his X-Files days. oooh.

Brian Kessler (Duchovny) and his girlfriend Carrie (Michelle Forbes : "Wonderland" and "Homicide") are struggling to make ends meet in the conservative city-style of Kentucky. Brian has hit major writer's block and Carrie can't get her photos in galleries. They've spent the book advance money and are nearly flat broke.
Early Grayce (Pitt) is an ex-and-still-con is shacked up in a trailer with dumber-than-bricks-but-friendly Adele (Juliette Lewis :What's Eating Gilbert Grape and Old School) He apparently likes to heckle his parole officer and casually slit people's throats for their shoes and money. And for cursing at Adele. They want to get away from the law and their landlord (Early from the arm of the law closing in).

Adele is a sweet heart despite her tendency to swipe cacti, a victim for most of her life and has grown to rely on Early to keep her safe. In a manner of abstract thinking. She humanizes the mostly wild and feral Early, whem most people would leave the both of them behind.

Early's only saving grace (no pun intended) is his mercy on Adele and his odd semi-befriendment of Carrie and Brian during the Ride n' Share journey to California. Early, despite it all- and his seemingly placid and good behavior, is a churning cespool of adominable and animal rage. The most facinating and disgusting murders he makes are his cold-blooded killing of a man emptying his urine bag and a gas station attendent.

Brian and Carrie discover the depths and width of the things lying between them and hot-bed of mass murder sites, while Brian struggles to embrace his humanity and not defy is liberal views in associating with Early. He even learns to shoot a gun when they happen upon Early's- that he somehow shrugs off, but they still are uneasy. All bets are off once Carrie witnesses the brutal slaying of the Bluebird gas station attendant. and Carrie and Brian's fears have been realized- they're sharing expenses with a serial killer. But in the end, judging Early lies in the viewer, not in Carrie and Brian.

The movie is gritty and chilling in an almost Silence of the Lambs sort of way. Good, but sleep with a light on, and a friend, and a knife if you can. Rated R kiddies, extremely out there. Lots of bloody fun. Creeps you out for free too. Some of the Amazon reviews are pretty harsh, very much a diamond in the rough.

Movies In the Rain

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels - First off, think of the Knockaround Guys. They have guns, mob connections, and they're trying to get cash. Think Rounders. Gambling, cute guys, vices, and lots of planning- not to mention the last bad hand. Lastly, think Clerks. Kevin Smith's first movie, gritty, in your face slightly better than a handycam. Oh yeah, and lots of the same language too... but there weren't any people in Clerks with their feet blown off either.

Overall, I really enjoyed this movie despite being baffled for the first thirty minutes as I had to reacclimate to heavy hackney accents. Oh yes, indie and british. If you liked Snatch - this will be a real treat for you. Lots of the same fun, and you think you know exactly what will happen, only you're very very wrong. LOVED IT! Plus Nick Moran is cute in a Heath Ledger kind of way.

Conker L & R w/ Mercenaries

Conker Live and Relodaed has muchos upgraded graphics.

I got to see a comparison of the raptor models from the N64 edition and the XBOX edition... very pretty. No noticible edges and in general a much smoother look. Funny how you don't realize how dated something looks until you play something better y'know?

The Live portion of Conker is a rocking mulitplayer section, my husband seemed to like it even though we don't have live, it has a few bot maps you can do even if you aren't connected. Crazy stuff in there like bazookas, turrets, tanks, etc. Fight with grenades M16s swords in capture the flag, frag maps, and various missions. Nice stuff.

The Reloaded part is Bad Fur Day from Nintendo 64 days. According to developer notes, they only fooled around with the training map really. I got the game about halfway done, I have to take it back tomorrow... I couldn't get past the hoverboard/neaderthal stage. Bleh. Its a platformer not a racing game, unfortunately the hoverboard race resembled a racing level that would required me to be cracked on speed to probably beat. I was enjoying it up until that point.

The fight with Mr. Poo and the sweet corn was so VERY WRONG. So if you played it once, I guess you might want to rent it rather than own it unless you fell in love with the multiplayer function, but I know other games that have a lot of the same similar fps ability that don't require a LAN or XBOX live.

I felt I got the value out of my rental though- lots of fun, but challenging. Depite the kiddish looks.. this is for adults only who can hold their stomach... unless you feel comfortable with letting your kids play in the poo, boobies, liquor, and other vices this game gleefully plays with- lots of mature laughs.

My hubby really loved playing Mercenaries, he didn't even get halfway through it ... its a massive game. The base premise of the game is that you are a mercenary (duh) over in Korea to get some money. There is a lot of money to be had in this game... it makes you think about abandoning your job and taking up your guns. The North Korean government has been targeted for take down.. Alive or Dead. Alive you get the full bounty, dead gets half. There are South Koreans, Chinese, Russians, Allied (US) for you to take alternate missions and build factions. And money. Faction is important- its what keeps you alive in certain open zones.

The alternate missions open up the North Korean bounty cards (think of the Iraqi playing deck of most wanted and you'll be spot on) that you don't already have. You start with the lesser suit of clubs and build up to the Ace card. The closest comparison to gameplay would be crossing Battlefield with Grand Theft Auto. My husband finally gave up playing because he had only just started the second suite of cards.

Lots of playtime kids, definitely for the older teenage audience and adults- I recommend playing a demo if you haven't already and deciding on buying... unless you have gamefly- you won't finish this game in a week without losing all of your sleep. Big Pick, we'll pick it up when the price drops, it just came out this summer and retails for the full $50.

Eek! The Author

Ok, sorry for the delay... I'm just not hot on schedules when I diversify too much.
Kingdom Under Fire looked good for me, but it started getting insane after a while with some of the battle tactics. Hubby was playing elf, and I was playing human side. There simply wasn't enough rental time to play the whole game through.

Plus, we realized that we were just playing off of each other, that is- Play through the campaign scenarios once and you've seen it all, each of the other three characters just relive the scene with their own objectives and armies on the opposite side of the field so to speak. We lost intrest as soon as that hit home. I wouldn't mind picking it up for keeps... for ten bucks.. maybe fifteen.

Downside is once you play through all of the campaigns... despite the excellent AI, the live version is reportedly drab since there isn't any tech tree upgrades that are allowed. Duke it out battles with the lowest level grunts. After having paladins, dealing with footsoldiers again would be too depressing.

Will review Conker: Live & Reloaded in less than a week, god willing.